The things you imagine you'd do if you were home alone

The things you imagine you'd do if you were home alone

Doubt it.

This weekend, I fell pretty sick and didn’t see anyone from Friday night until Sunday afternoon. Now, this doesn’t seem like a very long interval to be alone. But when you live with someone and you usually go out to a coffee shop to at least see people, it’s a long time.

I always imagine that I would really enjoy an isolated vacation with loads of time to do whatever I wanted to do. But in reality, even when I experience this in short doses, I always end up becoming lazy, slovenly even, often not changing out of my pajamas until the sweaty push of afternoon comes around. In my experience, time expands and retracts based on how much of it you’ve got. So, if you’ve a huge paper to write, a full-time job to work and a significant other to date, you’ll have plenty of time to do it all, although you’ll be stressed out the entire time. But stressed out in a good way, I think.

If you have plenty of time, you don't do shit. You know it's true.

I bet many people agree with my predicament. Here’s a list of five things that you think that you’d do if you had the house to yourself for a week versus a list of what you’d probably do:

What you think you’d do:

  1. Clean the house. Your house is dirty and cluttered. When better to clean it than when it’s void of the pitter-patter of little feet?
  2. Write your amazing novel. You never have quiet with all those people around. You know that your brain will open up with possibilities you’ve never even dreamt when you have only the whir of the air conditioner to keep you company.
  3. Organize that nasty room/ bookshelf that you never have a chance to organize. You feel energized with time and tenacity, so you know when you have nothing better to do, you’ll turn to cleaning that room that nobody goes in or that bookshelf that’s full of thirty-year-old receipts.
  4. Appreciate your significant other/friends/family. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, so even though they drive you nuts with their dirty dishes in the sink and clingy affection, you know you’ll love them more when they’re away.
  5. Finish that project that you never thought you’d get a chance to do. Balance your check book, write your grandmother, call your long lost friends—the possibilities are endless!

What you’ll probably do:

  1. Make a huge mess because there’s no one around you to look disgusted at your crusty spaghetti plate or sigh when you use that twelfth cup for your coffee.
  2. Lay on the couch and watch a thousand episodes of a TV show that you only tepidly enjoy.
  3. Look at that nasty room/bookshelf you’re supposed to be organizing and sigh. Loudly.
  4. Really miss your significant other/family/friends and start hallucinating that they’re standing behind that half-wall in that human-like shadow or talking in the hallway outside of your apartment because you’re SO LONELY.
  5. Lay on the couch and watch a thousand episodes of a TV show that you only tepidly enjoy. Really, guys, this is all you’re going to do. I promise.